Yesterday was a great day. We had a lot of fun and did drink. I was in such a good mood:) But I feel terrible now. I'm so sad, I just want to cut myself, but I can't, I can't cut myself when my best friends are here. I can't expose them for that. I can't let them find me tomorrow in a pool of my own blood, in my own bed?! I just can't do that. Even though I don't think I can manage not to cut tonight... I'm so confused. Can't think clearly. Everything is just hazy. Sometimes my feet can't carry me. I just fell on the ground. I don't know why, it can't be that I'm too thin because I'm huge!!! I'm up to 109 *embarrassed*

I've been eating like a pig and behaved like a fool. I hate losing control and I've been totally out of control this weekend. I'm so ashamed. I did even call this guy that has said his interested in me... Why did I do that?!? He probably don't like me anymore, I said so many things I shouldn't. Damn!! I screw everything! I don't think he wants me anyway, but after this I'm sure he not want to hang out with me...

Anyway... have to go to bed.

Take care

before - after

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